A Hole in Our Rubber Soul

The simple mechanics of pregnancy prevention are straightforward and, luckily, cheap.  Nevertheless, though condoms are plentiful, easy to use, and ribbed, scented, and flavored, about fifty percent of American pregnancies are still unintended.  This is not, as many religious sources would have you believe, due to the incredibly high rate of condom failure.  Not surprisingly, it's the result of layer upon layer of prejudice and misinformation.  Several centuries after its invention, the rate of condom failure is still much lower than the rate of condom ignorance.

It begins with the way that the media depicts condoms, and the way that it presents sex.  Sex is everywhere on TV, including on the Disney Channel and the Food Network.  Yet condom commercials are much harder to come by. You certainly haven't seen them on ABC, home of the wholesome "Gray's Anatomy" an "Desperate Housewives," which refuses to air any condom advertising.  Other networks may allow condom advertisements, but most have restrictions on the types of commercials that can be shown, and the times that they can run.  Perhaps most egregiously, Fox and CBS mandate that any condom advertising shown on the network "must not focus on pregnancy prevention."  In the same way, birth control pills can be advertised, as long as they are marketed as primarily as treatments for acne and PMS.  Interestingly, these same restrictions do not apply to commercials for products such as Viagra or Cialis.

Condom Ad Rejected by Fox

I am certainly not belittling the importance of HIV prevention. Yet mandating that condom commercials focus only on disease prevention, and not on unwanted pregnancy, seems a bizarre dichotomy to draw.  In fact, prior to the emergence of the AIDS crisis, condom advertisements were not allowed on TV at all.  Focusing on HIV risk makes sex dirty and dangerous, while advocating pregnancy prevention would imply that fun, non-procreative sex is something to be celebrated.  I guess that Fox executives can congratulate themselves on having made pregnancy prevention an obscenity, and one even greater than sex itself.

The mere logistics of purchasing condoms is further testament to the disconnect between our views of contraception and our appetite for sex.  In most drugstores, condoms are segregated to a special shelf, usually right below the pharmacist's watchful eyes; in other cases, they are locked up, and store patrons must have an employee assist them in their embarrassing purchase.  It is awkward enough to remove condoms from their glass prison when you're in your twenties or thirties; I can only imagine how difficult it is for a 16-year-old to ask someone to unlock a condom case.  Unfortunately, condoms have been locked up primarily because they are so often shoplifted, likely by those too embarrassed to bring them to checkout.  Then the condoms are locked up, the awkwardness increases, and an infinite cycle begins.

http://thecurvature.com/2009/02/12/cvs-limits-condom-access-for-some/

These magical locked cases can only be opened with a wedding ring.

To better promote safe sex amongst teenagers, progressives such as Joycelyn Elders have advocated dispensing condoms in high schools.  Massachusetts has implemented this practice in many of its schools, with great significant reduction in teen pregnancy rates.  Yet I doubt that other states will take the cue from Massachusetts any time soon, because I'm just not that naive.  Indeed, the "War on Condoms" is being waged full-force in high schools, as well as in our drugstores an on our airwaves.

http://www.zazzle.com/if_used_correctlynot_100_effective_condoms_e_tshirt-235300270078506145

Seriously, ya'll!  If used correctly, not 100% effective condoms everytime!  Wait, what?

In the abstinence-only programs served up to most of America's teenagers, condoms are only mentioned as being so ineffective that they are not worthy of discussion.  This is the direct of the widespread fear that frank discussion of condoms will incite premature sexual activity, in the same way that not teaching teens about condoms has successfully kept sex a complete secret.  For this reason, teenagers educated in abstinence-only programs are far less likely than their more savvy counterparts to use condoms when they inevitably become sexually active.  I feel like it's understood that essentially all products have some non-zero failure rate, yet condoms, with their 98% rate of effectiveness, are held to the highest standard and get by far the worst rap.  Notice how we never see "Chemotherapy:  Not 100% Effective" or "Prayer:  Not 100% Effective"?

Amid the shame, secrecy, and slander surrounding condoms, thousands of lives are still being ruined each year by unintended pregnancies in tragic and needless accidents that could have been prevented by a 25-cent piece of latex.  I expect that someday I'll get around to making the choice to have a child, and when I do, I will love that child enough not to value an arbitrary standard of morality over his or her safety.  My kid will get a big gift-wrapped box of condoms on its 16th birthday.